9.3.16

Taking A Moment To Think.

See The Stars - taking a moment to think

Taking A Moment To Think. 

Recently I read someone's post about how their life and blog had clashed and she'd lost her love for blogging. Recently my blog has become something I can focus on while the rest of my life I'm finding difficult to keep grasps of. Today's post I wanted to share my thoughts on life, blogging and other little details about what's happening with me. 
There's many exciting opportunities in my life, different directions it could go in and I feel at a crossroads. It certainly feels like I'm stuck in one place while the rest are moving around me. My blog becomes my escapism and I want to use my space to off-load my thoughts and maybe give myself some little breathing space. I'm not in a bad place in life, I'm working and I've got the best people in my life, sadly something just is there in the back of my mine telling me I'm not doing good enough. Anxiety is crippling me, I've never felt my heart pound as much as I have recently. Almost every thought leaves me shaking with paranoia making me worried I'm getting everything wrong and everything will eventually crumble apart. 
With all these thought's flying around in my head, opportunities arising and my desire to make this year more adventurous I thought I'd share some ways I want to scrap the bad mood and really push towards these changes. 

Say YES To More Things.
What's really held me back in life is my fear of the word YES. It's a three letter word and I apparently hate saying it. Doubts run through my mind and in a midst of panic, no becomes easier. I hate it, despise it in fact...why is it so tough. I want to say yes to the things I want, become that adventurous person I know I'm capable of becoming.

Spend Time Finding 'My' Thing.
This feels like a ridiculous notion, but I'm hoping people understand. For the majority of my life, I've been seen as the creative one, the person people turn to for a little creative boost. While it's been a great feeling that people see me in that way, I can't help but feel anything but creative. I want to find my thing, the thing I'm good at and essentially my place in the world. Sometimes I worry that if I haven't found it by now, then I don't have a thing.

Find My Career Path. 
With the above comment, this also means my career path. I've watched many people in my life not know their career path and others have it planned since they were younger. While sometimes I feel like a free spirit with the unknown, I'm envious of everyone who knows what they want in life. I currently work in a cinema, something that's exciting and honestly fun. I've met some unbelievable people through this job but I can't see it being a long term thing, I feel stuck in my job role and want to learn more. I also want to experiment and potentially move onto a career that connects with my degree. I've been in this job for just over a year now, so I'm comfortable and not ready to move on just yet but it's very tempting. 

Make More Effort With People. 
Without meaning to brag, I have plenty of friends. In all situations I tend to make friends and form friendship groups, I've always thought this was down to the activities and groups I would join when I was younger. I've always mixed with different groups of people, having friends from home and going to school further away from home, going to a different college, going to dance lessons on the weekend. Let's not forget working in a big work environment where I've met lots of new people. But I want to make more effort with those people, I rarely see my friends and I want that to change. 

Read More. 
Now this isn't an essential life changing thing, but something I've never been is a book worn and realistically if I'm not one now, I never will be! I've always wanted to love reading that little bit more, give me a good book and I'm hooked but I haven't enjoyed a book in a few years now. This doesn't just count for books, this is for blogs too. I go through phases I've having the time to read and comment to so many blogger's but recently I've not felt that connection. So I need to find that spare time and get back into reading. 

Find A Fitness Routine. 
My boyfriend is a personal trainer and I've not been to the gym in well over a year, it's shameful. There's no chance I'll ever be trained by Tom, my confidence wont deal with that but I want to find something to get my fitness routine back. I've never loved it but I enjoyed going to the gym, I felt I was doing something good for myself, the thing that stopped me was seeing no rewards, I felt I was going and nothing was changing. Maybe I can rejoin the gym or find some fitness classes to get back to. 

Move Out. 
Ahhh, the one I want most. I'd love to move out of my family home and have my own space. Whether that be with friends or with Tom, either way moving out is something I've wanted for a few years. This year it's time to save up and finally look into moving out. Talks have begun between myself and my two closest friends and it's such an exciting thought. 

Confidence Boost.
Have you ever heard a statement so much in your life you're no longer shocked or saddened by it?   
'Sarah needs to work on her confidence'. 
'If she had the confidence she'd do so much better'. 
'You'll improve with a little confidence boost'. 
'You just need to believe in yourself'. 
'You just need to work on your confidence'. 
The truth is, I have no confidence. Some times I have sparks of confidence but something will always put me back in my place, I've never felt I could improve on anything with the eyes of everyone waiting for me to improve. My blog is something I've kept to myself because I don't have the confidence for people to know about it, I've held myself back from things because the fear of it going wrong takes over. I need to break away from my anxiety and insecurities...I just wish it wasn't as easier said than done. 
I hope to start working on these little changes in my life sooner rather than later. I'd love to be able to look back on this in a few months time and say how things have changed. I guess, we'll have to wait 
and see wont we! 
EDIT: To add to my rambling mess, I've also started to consider finding a way of improving my blog. Bringing my blog back to my place to escape, I've really struggled with the upkeep of my blog the last few months and I want to change that. I created this survey to take note of my demographic, what makes people look at my blog and changes that need to be made, so please if you've got the time I'd love to hear your thoughts to make those changes. SURVEY, HERE. 
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