14.2.18

Why I'm Okay Being Single This Valentines Day.


WHY IM OKAY BEING SINGLE THIS VALENTINES DAY.


Two reasons why I never thought I’d be writing this post. 1) my blogging mojo has been awol recently and 2) I didn’t think I’d actually be feeling this happy at Valentine’s Day.

February marks 8 months of single list. This Valentine’s Day marks my first single V-day in six years and that combined with the fact that I’m still dealing with having my heartbroken, I honestly thought that today I would be a mess. I’d made a joke to my friend how I was going to watch trashy rom-comes, order Chinese takeaway and get myself a bottle of Jack Daniels and in reality, I wasn’t joking. 

These past few weeks I’ve really been excited for this Chinese takeaway and just getting drunk whilst watching something as stereotypical as Bridget Jones but that’s what I wanted to do. Towards the end of 2017 I tested out dating, downloaded tinder and willingly said ‘yes’ to a handful of dates. I’ve been let down by a couple of potentials and have been treated like a princess by others but realistically I wasn’t ready to move on that fast, I mean who is after a 5.5 year relationship? I decided i tried and tested dating and as fun as it was (I love a good make out sesh, sorry not sorry) it just wasn’t doing anything for me. And with that being said, I’ve kept my distance from getting to know new lads and just purely focused on myself.





HOW HAVE I FOCUSED ON ME?

Personally, I don’t think much has changed in the way I’ve focused on myself. Hell, I’ve really been focusing on myself, my happiness and doing things for me since June ‘17. I put my heart and soul into loving another person for five years, I made him my top priority even at times when that didn’t benefit me but I did it all because I loved him. And from the day that relationship ended I’ve focused on doing everything I couldn’t do before, I focused on the things that always scared me and I didn’t have anything holding me back anymore. I think in some unhealthy way I’ve done most of these things to get back at him, to prove to him how I’m doing better without him and focusing on making it all one big ‘fuck you’ to him. 

But now I’m agreeing to travelling the country to visit my best friend, I’m going on mini road trips to see bands I’ve loved for years and saying ‘YES’ to so much more. My anxiety has stopped me for so many years and I’m so grateful I’m able to break down those boundaries and just do things because I want to experience them and oh my life, I’m so fucking thankful that I can finally see that and focus on myself in a way I haven’t for so long. 


DEALING WITH LONELINESS. 

This all being said, it does get a little lonely at times. But you wouldn’t believe the amount my confidence and independence has built this year. I wouldn’t think about doing things without another person by my side until 6 months ago. Now I’ve travelled to Scotland solo, I’m going to the cinema on my own and taking my MacBook to Costa whilst I apply for new job opportunities. In my previous relationship we’d joke how I had a fear of commitment...which you’d think is impossible in a long term relationship. But the thought of commuting myself to just one person now makes me so uncomfortable and something I’m definitely not ready to deal with. So as much as I can miss the comfort of having a person around, having someone I’m constantly in conversation with and that sense of sharing my life with someone else but hell, this girls gotta live her life alone for a little while and that doesn’t scare me in the slightest. 

Luckily my feelings of loneliness doesn’t last for long as I have the best support system in my friends and find so much comfort in them, it’s not often I have a full day alone anymore. If I’m not at work, I’ve made plans with my best friends, my work friends, house mates and my dance family and it’s wonderful. 



So to all my friends and family thank you for being the best loves in my life...this Valentine’s Day is dedicated to you. 

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