27.7.18

LIFE LATELY: WHERE HAVE I BEEN?



LIFE LATELY: WHERE HAVE I BEEN?


Holy shit, it really has been a while hasn't it!?

HI!

I am honestly beyond excited to be back, I'm just not holding my breathe that this could last forever. I'm taking things one day at a time, not getting worked up when photos don't go to plan, taking those hour long breaks between paragraphs because I want to binge watch some Youtube instead. I've taken a break from the world that meant so much to me for roughly five years so it's incredibly difficult bringing myself back to the surface. 


SO WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?

Personally I think I've burnt myself out, I've been wanting my blog to be something bigger than it is, wanting this to be the gateway to my career path and once I started to feel that pressure and seeing little results and when you're constantly working on something that you believe has a dead end it becomes really blooming difficult. I stopped being able to see the end goal for this blog, the amount of times I stared at the 'delete' button is scary (this legit made me cry a few times). And it wasn't just the lack of engagement, the dropping of numbers and following - it was me. I stopped trying and in reality I stopped trying back in January. I lost the enjoyment in my daily tasks of photography and sitting in my bed and writing post after post, I found scheduling tweets to be the most tedious task and I could never follow through with my Instagram 'plan'. Everything became a chore rather than something I loved doing and I got so focused on pin-pointing where I lost the enjoyment that I completely burnt myself out and just couldn't do anything anymore. 

I've always been quite honest on my blog; massively and sometimes brutally honest and personally it's one of the biggest reasons for my 'come-back'. A couple days back I was thinking about how I've been struggling with my mental health for the last couple months and how I've been bottling a lot of my feelings up, and I was beginning to feel a pressure point. What I've realised is, I'm feeling this pressure because in the space of a year I've lost a person who I loved dearly and would tell all my thoughts, feelings and problems to and after doing that, I relayed all those good and bad thoughts onto my blog and it just kind of spiralled into this really negative space and in the end blogging hindered my thought process and somewhere along the way started to have effect on my mental health - so this time away was honestly for the best. 


HOW IS YOUR MENTAL HEALTH THOUGH? 

Between September and April every time I opened my blog I felt heavy, something was weighing heavy on my mind and I couldn't shift it and that's why I felt my break away was so essential. Realistically that heavy feeling has shifted but I'm worried it's shifted onto other areas, personally it's great to feel this happy about my blog again but there's a lot of personal things happening over the last couple of months, I haven't been in the best mind frame and things have been a little bit scary for me in the last couple of months and now is the time I realise I need to work on feeling better again. 

Well, this is weird to announce but I feel like so many of you would be proud of me, but last month I finally made the decision to get some help and I went to visit my GP - frustratingly it didn't go to plan. However I'm proud of myself to taking that step forward and I've got a phone number to ring to pop my name down on a wait list for counselling...I'm just a little bit nervous to actually make that phone call, so wish me luck!? 


YOU'VE BEEN HAVING FUN THOUGH RIGHT? 
Definitely! I've been having so much fun, between my hectic work hours and finding time to sleep in...I have been very *VERY* busy hanging out with my friends and it honestly has been perfect. If you follow my personal Instagram (@sarahlaurenx_) you may have seen all these fun days out, events and all the fun I've been having the last couple months. 

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