Sunday Summary #16: 10 Things I Hate About You.



Happy Sunday everyone,

It's been a whole week. woah! I know, I know a week - that's nothing but I've managed to blog 3 times a weeks since April. Ultimately that's a record for me I was just hoping it would continue and I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me.
Something as blogger we try and remind ourselves is that blogging breaks are perfectly normal (which they are) and I guess my problem isn't taking the break; right now I'm in such a slump with my writing I worry I won't come back. Each morning I've woken up, logged into blogger and hoped for the best. I've managed to start but not finish certain posts - some of which I can easily start up again when I'm ready, others will take a little more encouragement.
I enjoy sharing my life online right now more than the beauty side of everything, but there's only so much I can talk about - yesterday, I tried to write some posts (cried b/c my photograph was shitty) climbed into my pjs and watched Netflix until midnight. Admittedly this was one of my worst days this week, my mood was at it's lowest, most other days have included climbing in and out of bed and I'm either lounging on the sofa with Tom or I'm working - that's it!

So I titled this post: 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU, however it's more 10 things I hate about myself. Life has really had me down this week; to the untrained eye you'll have noticed nothing different but my mind has been elsewhere, I've been trying to push passed it and in some way been hoping that if I ignore it, it'll magically disappear, y'know? The truth is, there's a lot I don't like about myself A HELL OF A LOT, but I don't voice it much because it's almost frowned upon. Because for some odd reason, I can't dislike myself. It's attention seeking or untrue. But that's not why I'm writing it, if you follow my twitter you'll have seen my mopey tweets & people encouraged me to write this; get my feelings off my chest, writing helps take away that ache sometimes.
I don't like my body in general, I'm unhappy and uncomfortable in my own skin and let me tell you now; having a personal trainer for a boyfriend isn't what it's cracked up to be. Whilst he's completely supportive & doesn't push me to make changes to my body, I'm intimidated of him helping me make that chance. Because I'm so uncomfortable with my body, I've always felt like my fashion sense isn't the best it could be, I haven't found the clothes that compliment my body shape...hell, I don't even think I've got a body type.  I've recently had my hair done, removed the grey tones and went back to my white blonde hair whilst it's a perfect colour and exactly what I was hoping for, it's not what I want anymore; I've just paid £55 for my hair to be bleached for me to now want auburn hair for the winter, round of applause for me!
My bedroom matches my head space right now, cluttered and generally a mess. I've not made my bed once this week, there's dirty washing on the floor and my makeup hasn't been put back. It needs hoovering and generally putting back to normal, but as you can imagine I've got almost zero energy...maybe tomorrow?  With my bedroom comes my blogging space, my whole online persona is created within that small space, if that's cluttered so is my blogging. I have one corner of lighting for my photography and if I can't perfect it there, I've got no chance. I've not only struggled with lighting but also my layouts lately; once that's all compromised, it makes everything else difficult.
Something I've learnt about myself this week is I can't be alone for too long, admittedly I like my own company and I spend a lot of time alone in general, but after spending 3 days in silence and the only conversations I've had have been with angry & rude customers, my mood plummeted and I cried on shift, awkward. Unless I really need to offload my problems, I usually plod along until the problem passes; over the years I've learnt that not everyone has your best intentions are heart and I now hate the idea of people seeing my vulnerable side, ironically everyone knows my emotional side.
I guess the most comforting thing about all this is I haven't been able to write 10 things! I think there's more to these feelings and my overall mood from this week; but that's not something I want to go into today. I hope you're all well & please know that if you're struggling with anything I'm only a tweet away! 


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