Breaking Boundaries With My Anxiety.



Anxiety is a weird thing isn't it.

It can completely destroy your self-belief and confidence but also be the thing that pushes you into trying those new and scary things.

My anxiety has been a complete mixture this year and I've been wanting to write this personal post as something to look back on to remind myself of whats I've achieved in the last few months. I know, I know, I've talked about them so much it's old news now. But on those days when I'm struggling this is a little reminder of the things I've been capable of. I've accomplished a hell of a lot throughout 2017, I might not believe it at times but whenever I can a sit back and consider (even the smallest things) everything has gone towards creating a newer and stronger me. 

Something I've always wanted to do was experience the independence of moving out and this year I've had the opportunity to do so and I love it more than I could ever explain. I love with a great group of people who always make me smile; I've broken away from disappointing memories and I'm creating new ones in a new place. I miss my parents (ofc) and my old bedroom from time to time but I've grown as a person since July and I wouldn't change that for anything.

Starting driving lessons was almost the start of my 'break through'. In April of this year I'd made the decision to start my driving lessons - although they're going incredibly slow...I'm still doing it, yippee me! I actually spoke about this in one of my posts, here. I'd had a couple lessons when I was 17 and hated it, it felt so uncomfortable and just something I didn't feel I wanted to pursue; but something changed this year. I have a driving instructor who I get along with and I feel a little more confident - although I still have a tendency to freak out from time to time

I guess it depends how you look at this one; how does my anxiety connect to my heartbreak...and for me it's been less about the heartbreak but what I've pushed myself to do afterwards. I lost the person who I'd turn to when my anxiety was high, I suddenly wondered how I'd cope and who'd keep me as calm as he did. Turns out I have a great support system and I have other people to turn to when everything is tough. Becoming single was something I didn't see coming, not really, but it caused me so much anxiety and stress within the few couple of weeks and I'm so pleased I'm starting to feel that pass. 

Whilst there's been only couple interviews; I've been applying for jobs left, right and centre - especially the last couple weeks and whilst I go through phases of loving and hating my current job and after talking with family members and my friends, I think it's time I move on. Since I've been blogging and with my degree, I've realised how much I want to pursue a career within social media & Digital marketing - please keep your fingers crossed for me! 

Whilst this seems self-explainoraty I want to go into this a little. For a number of years I've not liked doing things alone, I've needed a helping hand almost every step of the whatever I'm doing. Whether that be having someone to go shopping with, someone to calm me down before job interviews etc or sometimes my anxiety meant I felt the need to have someone by my side on general day to day jobs. I feel this spark of energy when I realise I don't need this so much anymore - whilst I'm finding it tough to go shopping alone, I'm finally in this position where if I want to get something done; I know I can do it alone. I went for a job interview last week and before I realised I'd travelled there and back without stressing out to my normal level.

I think the best part of this is I can sit back and feel proud of myself. Even the smallest of achievements like making phone calls and applying for new jobs, I'm doing it!?

I hope everyone else feels that they're having similar breakthroughs with whatever makes you most anxious and I hope you're well 

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