Well, well, well, ladies and gentle-folk. What a year 2018 has been.

You've all been here with me throughout the ups and downs of life, you've watched me go through my toughest years, celebrated all the good and supported me even when I was the worst blogger around. 

Similar to every year I wanted to write some kind of reflection, look back at everything I've gone through, accomplished and generally just to remind myself that I'm leaving the year in a much better place than I started out. I guess like any other years it's been filled with it's downfalls and with the some great moments; I've focused all my attention on the good this year, wanting to make the most of every moment and becoming the best version of myself...I'm still working on this girl, although I can see her, she's getting there. 

If anything this is the year of some fab memories; trips away with my best friends, hilarious drunken moments with my dance family, made friends for life at work, a job promotion and the start of a new relationship (oh, spoiler alert). This time last year I felt like I'd lost a lil bit of myself, I was lost and miserable, questioned everything around me, who I was and who I wanted to become. So I've spent all of this year focusing on myself, the things that made me happy and all my attention on the people who fill my heart with joy and it's the best decision I've made...they ain't lying when they say the key to your own happiness is yourself, I mean, that's probably not a real quote but it's so damn true. 

Over a year ago I'd gained some new found independence, I'd moved away from home, did things on my own time, became a 'strong independent woman', unfortunately after a while felt my anxiety got the better of me, I was constantly sad, stressed, on edge and sick...all the time! I was applying for new jobs, promotions and trying everything I could to be the 'better' version of myself and after time and all the rejections, I gave up with everything, circumstances saw me moving back home with my parents and felt like I'd failed at everything I'd worked towards. For a few months this was all I could focus on, all the positive feelings I now feel about this year were non-existent about 6 months ago, so I guess today's post is more of personal reminder of what I've accomplished for myself and why I'm so happy to be going into 2019 with this mind-set. 

We all reflect around this time of year, believe me, my minds been reflecting insane amount the last few weeks and whilst not all has been great, some anxieties and others have resurfaced [not feeling good enough, not really understanding the world and the decisions made]. I also wouldn't change anything at all. But rather than focusing on all the bad things of this year, I really want to reflect on the good, the moments that have kept me smiling and generally the 'life lessons' I can take from this year... 

I will forever sing my friends praises; I have the best people in the world at my side. Pushing me to grow, standing by my side and being every bit of support I need through whatever I'm feeling. They've listened to every little complaint I've had, watched me cry over the most ridiculous of things, celebrated even the littlest of celebrations and truly loved me and oh my days, we've just had the most hilarious moments together. I genuinely think I wouldn't be who I am without any of my friendships...and I know I have a couple of groups to mention. Each group has a different connection in my life and they all make me feel so stronger and happier with everything I do. Let's just take a moment to celebrate all my friends, they're just bloody amazing. Okay. 

Well this is a big one for this year, having spent months feeling low, lonely and generally out of place. I finally made the decision to ask for help, after crying into my friends arms in the middle of a random conversation, it was time to seek more help. After weeks of nervously ringing the doctors (and after 107 attempts one morning) I finally booked myself in for an appointment and was being put on the wait-list for CBT counselling. In this time; I'm now awaiting my final session. Through the NHS I've been given 6 sessions with a counselling team in my local area; each week we sit down and talk about how my week has been, how I'm feeling and discovering the reasons why, and let me tell you, it's so refreshing to leave each session with a lil more understanding about myself and having a goal to work towards - top life lesson from counselling is that I'm my own number one priority. 

I mean, unless you don't follow me on twitter...you won't have seen how I started a new relationship, oh what a fab way to end 2018. Truth be told, being single taught me a hell of a lot, I got used to being alone, doing things just for me and actually set my mind on the idea of not finding another relationship, and as I think you all know, I was really effected by the end of my last relationship. Oh, but then J comes along and my stubborn thoughts were suddenly changed. It's only been a couple weeks so everything is very, very new and I'm currently in that 'good scared' mental state; we laugh at everything, we match each other's weirdness and best of all we're both as excited (and nervous) for this venture together. I forgot what the beginning of a relationship was like, planning date after date, meeting the friends and family, talking constantly and just having a person make you smile like a goof.  Lets just say; ya girl is happy. 

This is the biggest life lesson this year; myself. Entering 2018 I knew this was going to be something I wanted to achieve, I wanted to learn more about myself, the person I am and who I want to become. There's so much more left to discover and thing changed regularly but I do so much more for myself now, considering what I want before anybody else, I now know what I deserve and generally want I want from my life. 

Oh 2018, you were a blast. One of my favourites actually. There was points I couldn't see any improvements and was convinced that every minor inconvenience was the end of the world; but it's wasn't, I just experienced a couple bad days here and there, I can mope around for a lil while but then I can remember that things will improve.

I guess I'm just really happy with the person I've become this person I've become and I'm even more excited to see what the next year hold. The adventures I'll be taking, all the relationships in my life and just more and more personal growth, bring it on 2019. 


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