27.2.20 Birmingham, UK


....Or at least I'm trying to be. I'm sure like most I have spent so many years hating my body, looking back and wishing I had the body I didn't appreciate beforehand. It's been a constant battle of love and hate and I guess I'm trying to figure out a way of loving' myself a little more. 

I'll be honest, I already feel like I'm lying out my teeth but I guess writing this post is my way of processing my current thoughts and if I can't stick to it 100% of the time, it's really not the end of the world. 

becoming more comfortable in my own skin - see the stars
becoming more comfortable in my own skin - see the stars

Me and J have started going out for a coffee and a little walk on Sunday afternoons and it's honestly becoming my favourite weekend treat. The last couple of weekends we've been heading to the local park and I've been driving him crazy to get some photography and 'blog content'. Not only is it a challenge in itself because J looks bored out of his mind every time I suggest the photography, I then end up getting worked up with how much I dislike myself in all the images. Unfortunately it makes me extremely unhappy and quite miserable, especially for the rest of that afternoon. 

Realistically I should just learn from this and not bother with the afternoon photography session. That was until mid-January, we went and got these shots and originally I was impressed, really please with how they'd come out and really was as smiley as the images portray. 

It wasn't until I was editing them that I started to notice flaws and all my imperfections. Unlike my usual reaction, I just kind of accepted it. This is my body and I guess I've got to come to terms with how it looks eventually. 

becoming more comfortable in my own skin - see the stars

JEANS: Primark (similar)
JACKET: Primark (similar) 
TOP: New Look 
SHOES: Charity shop find / Converse 

I have quite an hate-hate with the gym and a healthy lifestyle and something I could get quite a lot of criticism for admitting, but if I'm being completely honest and transparent...going to the gym doesn't improve my mental health, instead had the opposite effect to it, so I take the time to do things like these little walks, getting out and about more and I hope that over the course of this year I can find new ways of being more active. 

But until then, I'm happy just as I am. 

becoming more comfortable in my own skin - see the stars
becoming more comfortable in my own skin - see the stars

Luckily for me, I really enjoy getting out and going for walks - I just need to find the time to get out a little more lately. J is much better than me at keeping an eye on our food intake and making sure we have a balance of foods, although we can't always resist the option of a takeaway....but who can? These are just small adaptations to my lifestyle and realistically nothing really is going to change over the course of this year. I'm just going to keep doing my thing and continue working towards my comfort in my own skin. 

Well this certainly just turned into a rambling post but all I'm going to say is I'm not going to put too much pressure on myself to be more comfortable. I'm not going to make it a obvious thing in my life to improve - I'm just going to start from here and see where this mind-set goes. 

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