I don't even want to admit the time it's taken to write and rewrite this post, but here's hoping this is the final attempt, please? 

Life really has felt like it's been kicking me down lately, any step forward and I'm thrown a couple back and truth be told; I'm tired of accepting it's all a part of the 'process' and my good news is within reach. 

Why I'm Okay with livin' life with a glass half empty mentality - sarahlaublogs
Why I'm Okay with livin' life with a glass half empty mentality - sarahlaublogs

The first draft of this post started as a long ramblings and a real *dear diary* moment and as much as I know you'll appreciate my posts for their honesty, I think I need to hold the reasons a little closer to my chest for the time being. 

But the long and short of it; breaking into an industry is difficult, money issues and other career problems are constantly causing me stress, but when matched with a whole load of self-doubt and constant anxiety which is resulting in other bodily issues, understandably you can imagine how much I'm struggling with life at the moment. 

Whilst I have more pressing issues going on, one of the reasons I'm struggling so much lately is the persistent feeling of hopelessness, that little voice in my head telling me to give up and constantly being reminded of how the other half live...Personally, I've usually dealt well with comparing myself with others, I'll have my moans, accept my life has different outcomes and move on. But this time round,  I think my head and my heart can't keep up the fight anymore. I'm torn between wanting to keep fighting for the things in life I'm confident should be mine but on the other hand, I'm just so tired of the battle...maybe it's time to just give up?

I know you're probably thinking I'm being a little bit overdramatic but truth be told, life has felt very challenging lately, whilst I'm often found talking about my failures in life, there's only so many times I can use it as an opportunity to turn my mindset around - and whilst I probably need to read more mental health bloggers who talk about positive affirmations and manifesting my way to a better lifestyle but if I'm being completely honest, I don't like it and it just isn't going to happen for me.

Why I'm Okay with livin' life with a glass half empty mentality - sarahlaublogs

Instead of being false on the internet in the hopes that it'll help the people who believe in a more positive mindset - I want to help the pessimists out instead. I want to find people who call out manifesting for it's bullshit, who are tired of 'picking themselves back up again'...and again, and again. 

And in all honesty, I want you to know it's okay to feel tired of it all. Because, boy am I tired. 

You don't need to constantly feel like you're on top of your A game, you don't need to be constantly working towards something and fuck, it's okay to take a break. 

Why I'm Okay with livin' life with a glass half empty mentality - sarahlaublogs

If 2020 has taught me anything, it's that I'm okay with accepting life isn't perfect but also there's nothing wrong with me if I'm upset about it too. Maybe I'm just difficult to please, actually, maybe we won't explore that concept... 

But overall, after a couple weeks of doubt, worries and awkwardly spending a lot of time hating myself, I think I'm reaching a point of 'fuck it'. Yeah, I know things in life don't always work out but screw anyone who doesn't let you be upset about it - because damn, let me wallow. 

This post definitely took an unexpected turn but after weeks of trying to find the right words, I think I've *finally* managed to express all my recent troubles without pouring my heart out too much and inevitably embarrassing myself, yay.  

How do you cope when live throws you curve balls? Are you still able to stay positive, how do you do it? 

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